2010, come and gone again, as fast as the wind is swift, as fleeting as the dragonfly's wings, as joyful and sorrowful and peaceful as a summer thunderstorm.
I have not changed a whole lot. Which is not to say I haven't tried, or have not the idea of change in mind, but a lesson I have learned is to try and to be are not one in the same, ever.
To change, I have to BE the change, not try to be the change.
This is going to be a year of change.
I haven't told many people this yet, but I'm not coming back as an RA next year, for reasons of my own and for the reasons of others. But that is a conversation to have in person, not something to discuss via web. If anyone sees this and wants to know what's up, call/text me.
I also am working as a wellness assistant in the gym, so I will be exercising close to every day. I will be getting a roommate. I will be getting a job at the brookstone in albany. I will writing every day, reading, acting, directing, and improving.
I will not be tolerating bullshit anymore, or falsities, or anything that seems to diminish or worsen my life. I will be making an effort to call it as it is, and be direct and honest even if it may hurt sometimes, myself or another.
I will not be good at this, not right away. I am my own natural enemy to change.
But I will follow this mantra, as another writer did before. I read this and was inspired. I hope this will be the mantra for my coming year, in everything I do:
I am my own enemy.
Resistance is my nature
I am aware of Resistance
And it prevents me from achieving the life I am meant to have
Resistance is self-generated, self-perpetuated
It Lies and Seduces. Its goal is my Utter Destruction
Every day is a battle for my soul.
This Moment. This Day.
I change my life.
Help me to defeat myself
and realize Fate.
A little schmaltzy? A little too much feel-good, peace loving, hippy dippy kind of mentality?
Maybe. But it's going to help me focus, and going to help me become the person I want to be, and I need to be.
As the writer, Jonathan Hickman says:
Tonight is the night I "stop being a dabbler, and become a creator."
You hear that 2011?
Right then. Let's do this.